Get a Life: The Challenge of Balance in a Post-Modern World (01/07)
By Michael Saint-Onge
New Year, Old Challenge
I’ll admit it, I am an inveterate list-maker. I have been, ever since I can remember. With a new year staring me in the face, I decided to sit down and make a list of my New Year’s resolutions. While I do this every year, I never seem to accomplish very much on my list, partially because at the top of the page I always write “Find Balance between Personal and Professional Life.” It remains the single biggest obstacle to getting to the other things on my list: exercising, finding a creative outlet, volunteering, etc. Without accomplishing the first task, there never seems to be any time left to give to the other things!
The good news is that, if my informal poll is any indication, I am not alone. Most of the people I’ve spoken with also find a healthy balance between one’s personal and professional life to be their single biggest challenge. The bad news is that this so overwhelming that most of us simply surrender ourselves to the inevitability of never finding it.
However, I am also the eternal optimist, which has led me to explore the topic a little further, convinced that if I just keep reading and researching, I am bound to uncover the one truth that will unlock the secret. After all, I’m a librarian! The answer has to be in a book somewhere, right? So far, I haven’t found it, but I have learned some things along the way:
- Work-Life Balance isn’t a one-time thing. The struggle will always be ongoing, because the pressures and pleasures of work and life will ebb and flow. It involves an awareness of making minor adjustments along the way, a sort of spiritual “fine-tuning” that keeps one in balance;
- Work-Life Balance doesn’t mean an equal balance. Again, there are going to be times when one has to take priority over the other. Simply doling out an equal number of hours to your personal life and your professional life won’t work. Life isn’t nearly that compartmentalized. Thank goodness!
- Turns out the “balance” isn’t just between work and personal life, but also between friends/family and self, so the real trick is keeping all four of those in some sort of harmony. Jim Bird, the creator of Worklifebalance.com, describes it this way: “A good working definition of Work-Life balance is meaningful daily achievement and enjoyment in each of my four life quadrants: work, family, friends and self.” That definition works for me, and gives me a goal to strive toward;
- Don’t forget to be grateful. Wanting to achieve some sort of balance means that you’ve got a lot going for you in the first place: a job that engages you and a personal life that calls to you. Wanting and needing to find a way to have both is a blessing. Having one without the other is just not as satisfying:
Five Tips for Finding Balance
With that in mind, here are some suggestions for finding that balance
- Set Boundaries. There are times when one aspect of your life will need to take precedence, but you can also keep some boundaries. At a family event, (your daughter’s soccer game, your son’s recital), it is perfectly acceptable to turn off your Blackberry™ or refuse to answer your cellphone. Those moments *should* be obvious. It is the other less obvious times when one bleeds into the other. Bringing work home every weekend is a sign that something is out of kilter, and you need to set some boundaries. Realistically, it might have to be a baby step: “I will only work on one of the two days of the weekend. The other is completely mine.” But carving out dedicated time is the first step in finding that balance.
- Volunteer for something completely non-work-related. Yes, I know what you’re saying: “I am already so busy, how can I fit one more thing in my schedule?” But by volunteering for something outside of work, and by sticking to it, you’ve just created another outlet, something that will give you a sense of satisfaction, of accomplishment, that isn’t tied into work. If you’re really dedicated and remain committed to it despite the other pressures, it’ll bring you a sense of accomplishment and serve as a wonderful reminder that there is more to life than work. A hobby does the same thing: take up gardening, painting, knitting – anything that interests you and draws you away from working all the time.
- Reward yourself. After accomplishing a particularly challenging task (completing the budget, overseeing a long and grueling manager’s retreat, hiring someone new), find a way to reward yourself. Leave early. Take a longer lunch than usual. Use a vacation day. If you wait until all the problems are solved or the work is done to do something enjoyable, you’ll wait forever. Remember Jim Bird’s definition? It involves finding not just accomplishment but also enjoyment in each of the four quadrants. If you’re not enjoying it, at least on some level, then add something to it that will make it enjoyable.
- Learn how to say “No.” This is a biggie. Most librarians are people-pleasers. We have worked hard to build our reputation in the firm, and we’re afraid to say no to additional projects, tasks and responsibilities. And yet, there is a limit to how much we can hope to accomplish, especially in this “do-more-with-less” environment. Perhaps the second part of this recommendation should be “unless the job/task/responsibility comes with additional resources with which to accomplish it.”
- Let go of the need for perfection. Ah, yes. This is the biggest challenge of them all, especially for most of the librarians I know. We want everything we do to be perfect, and given the finite number of hours in a day, and an infinite number of tasks, something has to go. Years ago, I was in a long-term relationship, and I found myself doing all of the household tasks: laundry, cooking, cleaning. Why? Because I had certain standards when it came to those tasks. No one could quite do laundry the same way I did, or clean as well as I did. It was no surprise, then, that I found myself overwhelmed – and resentful that I wasn’t getting the help I needed. But when striving for balance, you just might have to let go of some of that need for perfection. Sweating the small stuff will drive you crazy!
These might not be profound suggestions, but hopefully they will put us one step closer to finding the right balance between our personal and professional lives in this post-modern world.
Additional Resources:
Check out http://www.worklifebalance.com for a free newsletter that offers more suggestions on finding that balance.
