It was that iconic cartoon character Charlie Brown who spoke the famous phrase, “Good Grief!” He was always lamenting how he could not kick the football that Lucy would snatch away at the last moment, or why no one would invite him to the Valentine’s Day Party, or why none of his “friends” wanted him around – even his famous dog Snoopy.

In his mind, there was nothing good about his grief, and he never seemed to know how to handle it effectively. Well usually, he was eventually invited to the party and Snoopy needed his daily supply of bones.

In real life, however, dealing with grief doesn’t always end up working out well unless you can get through those grief stages (by Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross):

- Denial (this isn’t happening to me!) to me!)

- Anger (why is this happening to me?)?)

- Bargaining (I promise I’ll be a better person if…)

- Depression (I don’t care anymore) anymore)

So many good folks like you and me generally start to “spin” in the anger and depression stages and these are what I’m going to discuss today.

Anyone who has told you that their life is completely happy with very little stress or grief is fibbing probably a lot. All of us have grieving moments in the past that we’d wish we could forget. Because the U.S. unemployment rate is pushing towards 10 percent (or more than 6 million good folks like you and me), many of our friends are in the midst of one those grief stages I mentioned above.

With personal experience of being laid off from my dream job, the anger and depression stages seem to eat you up and not let you go. Why is that? So much of our self-worth, confidence in ourselves and (yes) even social standing is wrapped up in what we do for a living. You don’t have to be an owner of a company like me to understand that people sublimely judge you on the type of work that you do. When you meet strangers, what is usually an initial question they ask: “So what do you do for a living?”

When you are temporarily out of work, what do you say? A friend of mine said that this is the hardest moment of searching for his next great work adventure. It also feeds the anger and depression all of us feel when something is taken away from us no matter how great you were at your job.

If you don’t get through the anger and/or depression stages, it makes a person’s life infinitely more challenging and mind-numbing. In fact, a lesser-known grief model hits the nail on the head:

The stages are:

- Numbness (mechanical functioning and social insulation)

- Reorganization (re-entry into a more ‘normal’ social life.)

- Relief (Where you want to be…)

Nearly all of us realize that we will find the right job at some point – hopefully in the near future. But many great folks I know have been looking for more than a year. Thus, the anger, depression and stress keep building…

A few ways to avoid spinning continuously in the anger and depression modes are finding your circle of support, staying motivated and be proactive in networking. While I still had my moments of anger these three activities kept me resilient during very challenging times. Just think about:

There is definitely a recovery period after a job, relationship or any other significant loss in your life. And the recovery period may last longer than you think or hope. Feelings of anger or depression also may last for longer than you expect. Give yourself time to grieve the loss, and express your feelings in healthy ways so they will pass more quickly.

Writing was one way I developed a very healthy and fulfilling way to stay healthy and have the right perspective. Try to do something fun in your life, instead of just trying to plug your way through the pain.

The day I was laid off, I also started networking to find both a new full-time job and some contract work so I could pay my immediate bills. But the process can be daunting. It’s very important to have a support system–friends or family members who can motivate you to jump back on the horse. My wife, daughter and mother were absolutely critical in keeping my confidence high as I began a new speaking and writing business about resiliency.

Keeping grounded is key. Meeting with colleagues and friends helps me to deal with a lot of stress.  They show me that I am not the only one going through such stress – even though sometimes it feels that way.

Volunteering, formal classes, and exercising at the gym also are excellent ways to build structure into your days–and may provide that important lead to the next job. I volunteer with my local communications association, am a member of a local governmental board, and serve as president of my neighborhood association. Each provides an outlet for my talents and gives me the opportunity to network with so many folks.

I have always advocated networking-that’s how I found my last two full-time jobs and all of my contract work. I’ve written a lot about networking on my blog and encourage you to read my networking article I wrote several months ago. Eight out of ten job – probably more – are found through talking to friends, colleagues and new contacts. I am an introvert and have a physical disability – Cerebral Palsy. If I can network successfully, you can, too.

Find such ways to work through your grief, and I promise you your life will be more fulfilled, and you’ll be able to move on to your next great adventure!

 

Steve Beseke has been a corporate communications executive for more than 25 years with companies like Medtronic, Opus Corporation and the National Marrow Donor Program. In addition to his corporate and non-profit experience in the Twin Cities and Chicago, Steve has started his own career and life resiliency/motivational speaking and writing business. He shares his career transition insights on his resiliency blog.  He works with corporations and individuals to understand the return on investment value that career and life resiliency has in the workplace. As a person with a life-long physical disability (Cerebral Palsy), Steve also does resilience and motivational speaking with hospitals, colleges, disability groups and career organizations about life resiliency in this complex and challenging world.